Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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