We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
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Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
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Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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