so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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