I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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