You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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