your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
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