Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize