the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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