Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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