I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
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It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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