If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize