Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
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looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
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Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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