Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
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if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
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Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
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