Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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