I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize