i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize