i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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