Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
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I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
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You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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