some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
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Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
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I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
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