More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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