I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize