Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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