i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize