when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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