GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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