College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
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