in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize