Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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