FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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