Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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