Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize