I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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