Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize