Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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