So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
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I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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