Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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