Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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