I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
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Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize