I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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