Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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