yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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