I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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