by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
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Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
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The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize