Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize