so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize