I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
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I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
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The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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