Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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