I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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