Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
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I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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