So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize